"That will be $240 please," the Telus guy said handing the new T.V to my son. My mom and I were on 56 street which is about 3 blocks away from home. I was so excited to set up the new television.
"Oh no, Carson there is a fire on our apartment!" I said speeding up. A huge flame rose higher and higher. There was nothing we could do, our house was gone,our cat was gone, and most sadly, our electronics. Keep in mind we are in the 2000's. there were fire flyer, police flyers already on the job. From now and on I will have no money no home and most importantly no electronics.
I think your story is pretty good. Nobody thought of the idea. Good job!
ReplyDeleteWell done paying attention to your punctuation, just a few errors to fix. Areas to work on....
ReplyDelete-having descriptive language and strong sentences.
-tying in the part about the police flyers - it is just thrown in your story with no reason almost.