"Roar!" Stephanie yells jumping from behind a tree. Neither of us flinched. She decided to join us walking through the forest. A bear had been following us without us knowing. Finally Stephanie noticed, she was shocked to see such a big animal. We ended up running away. I turned around realizing Stephanie and joe didn't make it out.
I hope Stephanie and Joe were okay. Good story, maybe put some powerful words in it, it will make it even better!
ReplyDeleteI was amazed reading it got me a little scared I know what it feels like being so close once I almost died because at my campground there was a bear at night and the adults were far away
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story. You have a couple of punctuation errors that can easily be fixed, like in the first sentence Walking down the hill with my good friend Joe,... and when it says the name of the forest make sure you capitalize it.
ReplyDeleteYour story is pretty good, but you need to do some editing. Instead of saying "thing" you should describe the object. I don't really get your second sentence, I think you mean regarded? In your third sentence, you could put "The deeper we got, the weirder noises we heard...".
ReplyDeleteBe sure to read over your story to a peer or an adult to check that it makes sense and for fluency. Spend some quality time revising and editing after your fist draft as it will make for a better story.
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