Thursday, 18 February 2016
100 WC week #8
“Yes, we made it in with no cops!” I say leading my spies into the locked/closed museum. We were here looking for the most expensive gem in the world. looking through every room there is no sign of the gem. Creeping up the stairs I see THE door. The reason I say the door is because it is the world's largest most protective door. It has three locks on it and about 13 feet tall. Cutting the last lock the door opened and there it was the gem. It's all looking good until… We got busted. There stood 3 buff police ready to catch us.
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Your story is pretty good, maybe add some powerful words in your story which would make it even better. Good job though.
ReplyDeleteYou need a capital "L" for looking, other than that I found nothing wrong.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story, I havnt read one like it yet!!
I like your story, but I think you meant to say 'protected' instead of 'protective'.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback provided by your peers to help improve your writing. Also work on using some descriptive words to describe instead of tell us the details of your story. For example instead of writing "The reason I say the door is because it is the world's largest most protective door. It has three locks on it and about 13 feet tall." Why not put these details into the sentence before such as ...Creeping up the stairs I am taken back by the 3 impressive locks bolting the 13 foot door shut.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the writing and be sure to read it out loud to an adult.