Thursday, 7 January 2016
100 WC week #1
“YUCK!” I shout disgustedly as I get a mouth full of what I thought was cinnamon. I'm climbing a mountain that has the world's tastiest tree. The mountain we're climbing today was four whole layers: chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and rainbow. As we reach the 3/4 mark it started to feel squishy and slimy. I thought it was odd until I remember there was icing at the top. The tree was about six goopy steps away. Finally we made it to the extravagant tree. Before we dig in we toast with a nice cold pepsi.
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Your story is fairy good, but you might want to extend your sentence starters, some of them are only 13 or 12 words a sentance. I don't really think you need to say, "My name is joe..." you could say
ReplyDelete"I'm climbing a mountain that has the worlds tastiest tree," and then continue on, "the mountain has four layers or chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and rainbow."
Hey, your story is very descriptive! I like how you said, "The tree was about six goopy steps away" I thought that really gave me a clear picture in my head, about what the men were going through. You need a few capitals in your I's. Also you have to sentences starts with The, I think you could start it with something more powerful! In all great story!
ReplyDeleteI think your story was pretty interesting. And I like how you used some very powerful words like: Disgustedly, and extravagant. Good Job on your story! It's really good!
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