My heart is racing as I joined the line to get the all the new hoverboard. I was highly shocked she said yes. The line was only about 15-30 people long on boxing day so that's really not bad. SMASH! Curiously I look around the corner and see a man running away with a hoverboard with security right behind him. just about ten minutes later I see the store owner with a megaphone, “Attention shoppers, we were just robbed of one hover we will be closed for 10 minutes.”
After 20 minutes I make it. As we about to purchase, my mom's card declined.
As I joined the line to get the all the new hoverboard? I think you need to fix that sentence, and use more powerful words. But good job!
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